just realized, I'm a mom.

Today I looked at myself in the mirror and felt it. I felt old. Older, I should say. Where has time gone? I felt like I looked like a mom. The very definition of MOM that I thought of when I was 12. I looked like one of THEM. The ladies who had no idea what was in style, but still looked put together in their "own" style, shooing her children here and there. You know the ones that manage a cute outfit but pair it with tennis shoes? Or the ones that manage a cute outfit but their hair isn't washed and thrown into a ponytail? Or the ones that manage a cute outfit but look sleep deprived. I KNOW THEIR SECRET. I have become one of them.

It's the sleepless nights and hard working whirlwind days that drain us, but we prevail and put on a cute outfit (only when going into public) thinking no one will notice that I haven't showered today. Or knowing that grocery shopping and running errands just don't work in heels or awkward stylish shoes, so we throw on sneakers (yes I just said that, see, I am getting old). Or the times we manage to jump into the shower, lather up to the speed of light, rinse off in a hurry and bounce out the bathroom in a towel to make sure the children haven't burned the house down or the neighbors. Throw the first thing on, manage getting a bra on if you remember, and then throw the hair into a pony and get back into view of the children. We may have tried putting the children in the bathroom with us while we shower, but then the 4 and 2 year old boys want to know why you pee out your butt and the 2 yr old asks why we have those two things hanging off our belly and the 4 yr old says they are called boobies and tells him that theirs will get big when they grow up. Or when they manage to rifle through every drawer, using tampons as weapons or swords and love to put the end of the tp into the toilet to watch it unravel as the toilet flushes. So you turn on a show, place them nicely on the couch with a snack, and repeat the step where you manage to jump into the shower (see above).

So yes, that image of a MOM when I was 12. I am her. I wish I could look at those 12 yr olds now and dress in their style with a black fitted T-shirt with glittered ROCK STAR across my boobs, and hot pink leggings with black fingernails and my hair straight ironed to death, but then I would be the MOM that was trying to hard to be her kids FRIEND rather then her MOM, and then I would be in THAT category. Plus, I can't imagine my butt ever looking good in hot pink spandex leggings...

So I stare, at my momself, in the mirror. Wow. I still feel like I'm 16 (except when I was 16 I thought for sure my boobs would be bigger than this), then I remember...

that I got hitched 9 years ago,

and knocked up a couple times,

and have a big girl job working night shift as a nurse,

and (DUN, DUN, DUN) have to take my child to preschool in 5 minutes!

And I realize, I don't have time to shower. So I throw on a cute outfit, and guess what? I throw my hair in a pony and use my own spit to wipe the maskara smudges from under the eyes, and gather my loves to the car... but at least this time, I put on cute sandals just because I'm rebelling against THAT mom.

My feet are gonna hurt today. Dang 12 yr olds.