tonight I was heading to bed and peeked in on my boys. Ethan had crawled into the rocking chair and fell asleep with his head on the arm all cuddled up in his blanket holding teddy. This image just tugged on all my heart strings, I had to go and hold him for "just a little bit" (Ethan's words). I absolutely love being a mother. It is the hardest, yet most rewarding and honoring thing I have experienced.
Ethan has pushed his limits lately, I hear this is normal and year 3 is the hardest. If year 3 is the hardest then why do we have the phrase terrible twos? I only think this age is hard because of Gavin. Ethan likes him 30% of the time, and in that 30% he is "pretending" to like him. For example, pretending to tickle and fake bite Gavin, but leaves teeth marks on his legs where he was "tickling him". He has no desire to interact with Gavin except to take everything he has away and pester the kid, if Gavin comes close to Ethan, Ethan will kick him away (this entails pushing him with his feet and Gavin goes flying). Just yesterday Ethan hit Gavin over the head with a tin box and left a huge goose egg. I am so frustrated. Sometimes I feel like I am not giving Ethan what he needs so he is acting out. I don't favor Gavin, in fact, he spends a lot of time roaming and crawling while I focus my energy on Ethan. I get frustrated during the day, but at night when he is sleeping I am embarrassed and sad that I did not adore and spoil this special little boy that day, rather sent him to his room for hitting and not listening.
This brings me to a spiritual thought. I wonder if this is how Heavenly Father feels? He wants the best for us, and will grant us the world if we would just listen and obey. I know I don't always do what is right and have to suffer the consequences of my actions, is He up there aching to love and adore and spoil me when I chose the right? I am sure of it, but unfortunately he feels this feeling a million times a day watching all His children. To think, I only have 2!
So tomorrow is another day, and I can start over...
7 comments:
I hear ya, sista.
Moni- i can just feel the love u have for those two cute boys oozing out of this blog...you are such a great mommy! U r so getting me ready to meet this little girl of ours. I think i have a mini ethan on my hands in Grayson...he is so rough with babies in the family and at church...I feel like I will have to play bodyguard soon! anyday now and i will meet my baby girl.we will see how it goes... Wish us luck! Miss u puffpaffs!
I have the same feelings of not giving Ashley all the attention I feel like she needs. When she wants to try walking back and forth to mommy and daddy like Wade, I know she must feel a little starved for attention! I don't know what works, but I hear that they do get over it (let's hope!?!!) You're an awesome mom and you have cute babies!
3 is definitely a difficult age. Probably the hardest one I have had to live through yet. Carson is 4 1/2 now and has totally mellowed out. Parker is almost 3 though and my once obedient, sweet child has turned into a little monster! Hang in there, it's tough, but you can do it!
I completely feel for you. There are so many nights Mady goes to bed and I feel guitly because I think, 'Did I have FUN with her today? because it feels like all we did was countless rounds doing time -outs' Mady was not good with Noah either. Even now, she wants him to play with her, but on HER terms otherwise it results in a screaming fit. but Noah is learning to stick up for himself. But I definitely feel like she is very difficult right now. I think that's why it's so important in those times like with Ethan to take advantage of those times that we can hold them for 'a little while'
What an important lesson- isn't it too bad we have to learn it over and over just like our little ones do? *sigh* You are totally right, though- hardest and best part of life is being a mom!
I had a similar thought the other day...How does the Lord keep track of us all? How does he Spiritually 'wipe our noses' or 'clean up our scraped knees' when we fall down?
Pretty amazing to think about, really.
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