false advertising

Brad and I waited a couple years to have kids, we had people say to us "why don't you have kids, it's the best thing in the world" or "you'll love having kids, they bring so much happiness" and even the occasional "good for you for waiting, kids are a joy but also stressful". I would give them crazy looks, like, DUH I KNOW, that's what people keep telling me.

Well, I'm just wondering where the people were to tell me "kids make you stand out in the cold freezing your butt off while they ride bikes" or "kids are so fun, but be prepared to be a life size jungle gym because they will treat you like one" or "you'll just love it when kids pile into your bed at wee hours in the morning and cuddle so close you are recycling their air" or "kids make the simplest task look impossible, so you have to find patience you never had to help them" or "with kids, you have to go swimming with them, that means you have to go IN the pool, and DOWN the slides, and battle all the other bratty kids waiting in line, and go WITH them, not just watch them." Where were THEY when preparing me for kids? Hello? No worries, I've gotten by pretty good, I don't think I could have done it without Brad. He usually does the hard stuff like freeze his butt off outside so the kids can ride bikes, or he'll get IN the peed swimming pool WITH the kids.

I often wonder if those people that false advertised kids really just couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't going through what they were going through. So they glamorized kids so we would join the bandwagon. Because sometimes I'm tempted to tell this prissy best dressed- beautiful, vacationing with lots of money- go out to eat all the time- go one late dates and not a worry in the world couple that "kids will change your life, they will be the best thing that has happened in your life, they are SO easy, you can totally live the same lifestyle now, you should have some!" I want to tell them that, kinda because I'm a tiny bit jealous that they don't have to worry about babysitters or picking a family friendly restaurant, and that the girl actually has time to shower and style her hair in the morning after getting to EAT breakfast and in silence while she flips through the Macy's sales circling the things she plans on buying after work that day. She needs a reality check! She needs kids, don't you think? Because no one should have to suffer that lifestyle.

I think we all know how much I adore my children, you'll only have to read about one post to know that I think they are the greatest things that walk this earth. So don't get me wrong. As I previously discussed, no one warns you about the opposite of joy parts. I just think it would be nice to have someone warn me that Ethan was going to throw poop in his little brothers crib and I would find Gavin trying to latch on to it, and that it was going to be okay because this is normal. I NEVER heard of a story like that before, only that kids were perfect angels, so I was a bit shocked and MAY have held a tiny grudge while I was flooding Gavin's face with soapy water and may have been gagging a little bit, thinking how I could have gone wrong as a parent.

It's not until I tell my stories that I begin to feel normal, because once you open the story gate everyone has a story about their kids and poop. So it wasn't just me that wasn't having the picture perfect "kids are the best thing that will happen to you." I'm pretty sure there are better things than rinsing big brother's poop out of a baby's mouth, yup, pretty sure. At the same time, there is nothing better than snuggling that squishy clean little baby while singing lullaby's until they fall asleep in your arms.

I look at my life, and boy, I feel like I have more than my share of crazy kids experiences involving toilets, poop, boogers, disasters and messes. I feel like I can always one-up people with their stories of things my kids have done worse, but don't you worry, I keep these stories to myself only because I would NEVER have a babysitter if I was always blabbing about the opposite of joy moments I've experienced in the short life span of my children's 5 and 3 yrs of age. Also, it doesn't make me feel normal when the worst thing someones kid did was take their diaper off while in a crib and throw it out on the ground. That's that worst? That's all the kid's got in them to torture you with, he didn't even paint the wall with his poop from the diaper, seriously? So I usually keep my stories to myself, because I can't stand the looks people give me when I tell them that my child dumped a Costco size canola oil all over our carpet or that my child pooped in the front yard, wiped pine-cones and rocks in the poop and threw them in the street at cars...these stories I reserve for the blog, luckily I can't see your faces.

So, don't mind me when I hee-hee at all the little stories that drive parents insane, because it is making me feel normal in my not so normal life. I don't mind at all when you hee-hee at mine, because I know it makes you feel SO grateful that you don't have a child like THAT. At least I can admit it. I feel with all the craziness and chaos going one, I have millions more moments that I wouldn't ever wish away. So I'm doing pretty good as far as that goes. I'm not false advertising when I say "kids will be hard but SO rewarding and WILL bring happiness and sadness but in the BEST of ways."

If you ask me if you should have kids? I say, Yes, of course, but...