You know your a mom when..

As of late, I have been thinking about all the crazy things I do as a mother. I mean, no reasonable person has to have the words "don't eat the yellow snow" come out of their mouth, seriously! Or better yet, "I told you NOT to eat the yellow snow because that is PEED snow" and yet again, "THE YELLOW SNOW IS PEE SNOW"..."I don't know who peed on it, probably a dog or cat"..."WHAT did I say about the yellow snow, don't eat it might be MONSTER PEE." Well that seemed to do the trick. Should I really have to resort to monster pee to get the kid from eating yellow snow?

What normal person has to use their entire body in one chore? In fact, I'm convinced that our bodies were designed to be a mom as I use my legs to hold my child still while wrestling his clothes off. Fresh clothes are clenched in between my teeth, my one arm and other leg is blocking the other child from running away because he is next, my bum is pressed against the door, and my elbow keeps turning the light switch back on that the children manage to keep turning off. Not to mention I even use my toes to help pull the kids pants and socks off while I dodge the incoming bombs that the kids can find to launch at me all while giggling their heads off. My shirt is filled with odds 'n ends they manage to send my way that I don't want them to send my way, or at my face again. On any given day the shirt is usually filled with balls, rolled socks, stray toys, stuffed animals, toothbrushes and dirty clothes... AND this is when I want to get somewhere on time, you don't want to know what happens when we are LATE! What normal person is stuffing things in their clothes, period? I don't know a single person besides a mom who turns on the light switch with anything but their hand.

I'm pretty sure it's not normal to run to your room, lock your bedroom door and then lock your bathroom door, just so you can pee in private. No little fingers wiggling under the door while screeching "MOM, MOOOOM, let me IN, whatch'a doing in there?" Do they think I've got a huge chocolate cake I'm hiding behind the shower curtain while I pee, bc that is exactly how I feel! The kids are like magnets, as soon as my tush hits the seat they are on me like white on rice, little fingers wiggling under the door or pushing things under the door and all.

Every single one of my pens and scissors are hidden high in a cupboard. I know this is NOT normal bc it drives me insane when I'm looking for a pen. Duh, why can't I remember that I have kids, therefore I've hidden anything that will mark the wall in the farthest closet possible. AND that I organize my house by what the most dangerous in a child's hands instead of convenience, so that means pretty much everything we own is on the top shelf bc everything is dangerous in my kids hands!

A normal person would tell me that it's an uphill battle to tell your child not to lick their lips while their mouth is full of food. Seriously, though, it only makes sense! When you have a chewed up Oreo, please swallow before you take your dirty tongue and slather it all around the outside of your mouth. Trust me the, that little crumb will still be there after you swallow, and now you just turned that crumb into a sweet slobbery mustache! I am determined to win this battle. At what age to they learn not to do this? Or to take bites out of the sides of a sandwich and not keep diggin' in the middle while the sides of their PB&J climb higher up their face leaving PB&J skid marks along their cheeks!!

Gotta love being a mom!